Guide to idiots.

Some guys are just literally the worst.

I had an encounter with said guy at the bar while watching Iowa State/UNI game.

Grew up in Solon Iowa. So I figured he would be semi intelligent. 

Wrong. After his 5th Budweiser I knew we were on a fast track downhill (Turns out he moved away when he was 10).

This is a compilation of questions he asked and answers I WISH I would have given, and general things not to tell a girl the first time you meet her.

Oh wow, Iowa?! What did your parents and family think of you moving here?

They love it! Now that I'm farther away I don't bother them as much.

Wow you're single? That's incredible, you seem so nice and easy to talk to.

Yeah the doctors thought so too, but only when I've taken all my medication, and I forget a lot.

So what did you do growing up in Iowa? Aren't there just a lot of cornfields?

Oh yeah, thats all it is, for fun we'd run through the cornfields and play hide-and-seek, that's how Children of the Corn movies started because so many kids got lost.

So wait why aren't you wearing purple?

Oh, it's good luck to wear the other teams colors.

Oh, right, so how did you like living in Waterloo?

Man it was great, the hour and half commute to Ames was the perfect time to mentally prepare myself every morning.

So where do you live? I mean I just want to compare to see if I'm paying a good price..I'm not trying to be like creepy or anything, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just like always wonder where other people live and what rent is ya know?

I live with a girl. But we don't sleep together or anything, she's basically like my sister.

How old are you?

Why did you and your boyfriend break up? <answer>

No but really you can tell me the real reason, I mean I just want to get to know you.

I mean I have issues I could tell you about

Oh wow, no thanks that's ok

But really I mean I want to get to know you <shows me phone that says "Shelby" and a one sided conversation in text messages>

I love my life. I know at least some of you get a kick out of this.

xo A

And ANOTHER thing. Don't smoke in my face.